iHate Valentine's Day
by abracadabra94
Summary: "The whole day is nothing but mushy couples and people crying when they expect too much and end up disappointed. I think I might just go home now, before it gets really bad." Seddie.


**Hello. So today kind of sucked and I was really wishing that my day ended more like Sam's, but now I'm feeling a lot better, thanks to one of my new favorite youtube musicians who I just discovered a few weeks ago. I'll put a link on my profile for anyone who wants to hear a very sweet and sappy little song about love that might make them smile. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly or Valentine's Day, and neither does Cupid. I keep trying to explain to Cupid that Valentine's Day belongs to St. Valentine, but he won't listen. He also believes that he is Dan Schneider. Stupid Cupid.**

I knew it was going to be a bad day the moment I opened my eyes that morning. First off, it was a Monday, the second item on a growing list of things that were the bane of my existence (the first being Monday mornings). It didn't help that my mom had thrown my alarm clock out the window last Friday because she was "sick of that goddamned beeping interrupting my beauty sleep every single school day." Fortunately, a loud booming noise had woken me up at 7:55, about five minutes before school was to start.

Unfortunately, I had to skip a few steps in my daily routine. Showering was the first thing to go, and I decided I could get away with the t-shirt and long flannel pajama bottoms I had slept in, but I figured deodorant, brushed hair, clean teeth, and shoes were probably necessary. I finished these tasks within a few minutes, grabbed a pop tart and some beef jerky, and ran to the door, cursing under my breath about how Monday mornings should be outlawed.

As soon as I opened the door, I realized what the loud noise had been that had woken me up.

_BOOM! _came the noise again. A streak of light flashed across the sky. _BOOM!_

I stared up at the water falling out of the dark gray sky. "You've got to be kidding me," I said aloud. Even as I was standing there under the shelter of my front porch, the rain started falling harder.

"Mom!" I called, coming back inside again. I stood at my mother's bedroom door, watching the dormant blob of makeup and spiky hair as she lay there, snoring loudly. "Mom, wake up!" I flipped the light switch on.

"Uggghhhhh," moaned the blob, pulling the covers over her head. "What do you want?"

"I need a ride to school."

"Why can't you just walk? You have legs, don't you?"

"It's raining."

"Your point?"

It was useless. I knew Mom hadn't come home until nearly two that morning, and I could smell the alcohol on her just standing in the doorway. "Forget it. I'll walk." I turned to leave, but not before turning the beside-bed lamp on too and hearing another moan come from under the covers about the unwanted light. I tried looking for an umbrella, but to no avail. After a minute or two of searching, I gave up on my umbrella hunt, slipped on a navy blue hoodie, and rushed out the door to run to school in the pouring rain.

* * *

After a fifteen minute jog with icy cold rain falling down on me the whole way, I finally arrived at school, bursting through the front doors and out of the rain like a prisoner who had just been set free. I heard the _squish-squish-squish _of my sopping wet tennis shoes as I ran down the hall, making my way to room 314. When I got there I slammed the door open, only to see everyone in the class look up and stare at me in all my soaking wet, pajama-clad glory.

"So glad to see that you finally decided to join us Miss Puckett." Ms. Briggs didn't look as glad as she claimed to be. "But you know I don't allow tardiness or dampness in my classroom."

"Ah, cool your chizz," I said. "I'm here, aren't I?"

"Yes, you certainly are! And it's a good thing too. Now I have the perfect opportunity to teach the class an important lesson. Class, this is what happens when you show up in my classroom twenty minutes late, soaking wet, and sassy. Miss Puckett just earned herself triple detention." The creepy teacher smiled evilly.

"Whatever," I mumbled. I really didn't care that much. Detention was nothing compared to how the morning had been going so far. I took the detention slip, wadded it up, and made my way to the back of the room. I decided to take a nap (it wasn't like Briggs had anything interesting to say), and I was just getting comfortable when something caught my eye. Something…pink. The girls in the class. Almost all of them were wearing pink. Even Ms. Briggs had a pink blouse on. Heck, even a few of the less self-conscious boys were wearing a little of the nauseating color. Not only that, but the classroom had a few pink hearts stuck to the walls, and come to think of it, I remembered seeing those same hearts stuck to the walls in the hallway. I looked down at my striped green shirt and navy jacket and wondered if I'd missed some sort of memo. Was it Pink Day or something? The only time I ever saw this many people in pink was on…

I quickly rummaged through my backpack for my cell phone. Making sure that Briggs was turned the other way, I flipped the phone open. The tiny date at the bottom right-hand corner of the screen read "February 14," confirming my fears.

Today was Valentine's Day.

I closed the phone and put my head on my desk. As if this day wasn't bad enough already.

* * *

Every year of my school-going life, I'd suffered through the nauseatingly sappy, frilly, lovey-dovey torture otherwise known as St. Valentine's Day. There was no upside to the holiday at all. There were no parties, thanks to some stupid kids who probably graduated before we were even born. No one really knows who they were or what they did, but apparently whatever they did was so bad that Ridgeway has banned Valentine's Day parties ever since. Even the candy sucked. Sure, some were lucky enough to receive a box of chocolates or even just a little bag of pink N&Ns, but most of us ended up with nothing better than those stupid little conversation hearts that all the teachers except for Ms. Briggs handed out. For the life of me I couldn't figure out why those things were so popular. They tasted like chalk.

All day, girls would act like emotionally unstable maniacs, bouncing up and down whenever a boy gave them a stupid flower, or crying if they were one of the poor saps who got nothing. The boys were no better than the girls. The ones with girlfriends would turn into real pansies, assuming that the holiday was synonymous with treating their crazy girlfriends like royalty (they called it being a gentleman; I called it being whipped), or, if they didn't have a girlfriend, going around asking out every girl who could breathe to be his "Valentine" in a pathetic and desperate attempt to not be one of the lonely outcasts on a day made for couples.

Had I realized that today was that day, I would've stayed home. Screw the teachers and their threats of "suspension or even expulsion" if I continued to miss so much school. Really, it seemed like a stupid punishment anyway. Punishing me for missing school by telling me I couldn't go to school? The people in charge at Ridgeway were clearly morons.

I was considering ditching the rest of my classes and just going home before the real craziness began, when I was suddenly aware that someone was calling my name.

"Sam!" the voice called again. I turned my head to see a pretty brunette girl, clad in pink from head to toe, running towards me.

"'Sup Shay?" I said to my best friend as she came to a stop in front of me and proceeded to bounce up and down. "Why so excited?"

"I have a secret admirer!" she exclaimed, still a little out of breath. "Look!" She held up a long-stemmed rose with a little note attached. "I just opened my locker and this fell out."

I read the note aloud. "'Roses are red, violets are blue. This rose is actually just a dark shade of fuchsia, but anyway I really like you. Happy V-Day. Love, your secret admirer.'" Carly waited anxiously for me to respond, just like all the other girls did when one of their friends received something from a boy for Valentine's. My response: pretending to gag.

Apparently Carly didn't find this as funny as I did. "You could at least pretend to care," she huffed, crossing her arms.

"Sorry Carls. It's just, well you know…"

"You still hate Valentine's Day, huh?"

"It's all just so stupid!" I said. "The whole day is nothing but mushy couples and people crying when they expect too much and end up disappointed. I think I might just go home now, before it gets really bad."

"But it's pouring outside! And it's nearly freezing!"

"Eh, I already ran through it to get here. What's another fifteen minutes in the rain?"

"You ran all the way here? No wonder you're soaked! Why didn't you just call me to pick you up?"

I shrugged. "I was already late." Just then, the bell rang, signaling that it was time to go to second period.

"Come on Sam, we'd better get to Chemistry. And don't even try to escape! I'm not letting you go back in that rain. You'll catch your death of cold!"

"Alright, alright. Sheesh, when did you become my mother?" I started down the hall, Carly following close behind.

"You know Sam," she said as we entered the science room, "I bet you'll like Valentine's a lot better when you have someone to share it with."

"From mother to Mallmark card in less than a minute. Congrats Carls, I think that's a new record." I took my seat next to her at our lab table. "As for the other thing, I highly doubt it."

"Sam, I know you'll find the right guy one of these days."

"Even if I did find 'the right guy,' it still wouldn't change my mind. It doesn't matter if I have a boyfriend or not. Valentine's Day will always be a waste of time. And it's not like any guys are interested in me anyway."

"I don't know," Carly sing-songed. "A little bird told me that _somebody _likes you." She smiled smugly as she got out her Chemistry book and notebook.

I narrowed my eyes at her. "What do you know?"

"Me? Nothing. I don't know anything. Nothing at all." She continued to smirk, apparently believing that she had been subtle.

Something was up, and I was going to find out what it was.

* * *

It was lunch, and for once, I wasn't happy about it. Every year the members of the Ridgeway Horticultural Club would sell carnations for people to send to others (or to themselves if they were really desperate) on Valentine's. And guess when they were handing them out? That's right: lunch time. It was the peak of the Valentine's Day madness.

"So," I said, joining Carly at the lunch table, "did you find out who your 'secret admirer' is?"

"No," she said. "I have no clue."

I snorted. "Right. Of course you don't."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Come on Carls," I said. "I think we both know that Freddie gave you that rose."

"Freddie got over his crush on me a long time ago, and you know it. Besides, the poem uses the word 'fuchsia.' I don't even think Freddie knows that what fuchsia is, much less how to base a poem around it."

"Whatever you say," I said, taking a sip of my drink. "Speaking of the dork, where is he?"

"I don't know," said Carly. "He was in fourth period history with me, but he left a few minutes early for some AV thing and never came back."

"Hola chicas," said a voice not too far away from us. I looked up to see Freddie sitting down at our lunch table.

"Hey Freddie," Carly greeted.

"Yo, Captain McDorkatron," I said. "Where've you been? You're nearly ten minutes late to lunch."

"Nowhere," he said, opening his paper lunch bag.

"Is 'nowhere' code for 'nerd cave'?"

"Ha ha," he fake laughed. "That's hilarious Sam."

"Indeed it is."

The Horticulture Club had just arrived in the cafeteria with baskets full of carnations, and were starting to hand them out. The squeals of excitement started coming from all directions, but there was something wrong. They soon turned into different types of squeals. Squeals of…disgust. I looked over at Rona Burger (probably one of the ones who'd sent a flower to herself) and immediately saw what the problem was. Rona's nose was red. Not red like someone who was really cold or who had a runny nose, but bright red. The same bright red as the carnation clinched in her hand. Soon many other girls started shrieking, holding their compact mirrors up to their faces to examine their red, pink, and bright white noses. It didn't take long for me to realize what was going on. Someone had put paint on the flower petals. When the girls stuck their noses in the flowers they received so that they could smell them, the paint rubbed off on their nose.

"Sam Puckett!" barked a voice behind me. I turned to see a furious looking Ms. Briggs, a pink carnation in one hand and matching pink smudge on her nose.

Uh-oh.

* * *

"I swear, I didn't do it!"

"Yeah, right," said Ms. Briggs as she dragged me by the arm to the principal's office. "We'll just see what Principal Franklin has to say about this." She pulled me into the office and shut the door behind us.

"Yes, I know sweetie," said Principal Franklin into the phone. "Of course I haven't been eating too many sweets!" He quickly brushed a half a dozen small, empty bags of conversation hearts into the trash can beside his desk. "Yes. Yes. Uh-huh. Alright, I'll see you this afternoon." He glanced up at Briggs and me, whispered a quick "Love you too Honey Bunny," into the phone, and hung up. He cleared his throat. "Hello Sam. Ms. Briggs."

"Ted."

"You will refer to your principal as Principal Franklin!" Ms. Briggs shouted.

I sighed. "Hello Principal Franklin!" I said with a big fake smile.

"Hello Sam," he said, rubbing his forehead warily. "What have you done this time?"

"She put paint on all the carnations!"

"As much as I care about your input Francine, I wasn't asking you. I was asking Sa…wait, is your nose pink?"

"Exactly! See, she did this! She painted the flower petals and when I went to smell the flower I received, I got paint all over my sniffer!"

"Eh, it served you right. Maybe next time you'll think twice about sending flowers to yourself. But that's not the point. The point is that I really didn't do it this time!"

"A likely story," Ms. Briggs scoffed.

"It's more likely than the story that someone else actually sent you a flower!" I retorted.

"You little urchin! How dare you imply…"

"ENOUGH!" Principal Franklin yelled. We both shut our mouths immediately. "Now, I want you two to calm down, and I want to hear Sam's side of the story."

"There is no story Te-, er, Principal Franklin. I have no idea who put paint on the flowers, but it wasn't me. For once I can honestly say that I am as innocent as a lamb." I crossed my arms over my chest, daring either of the adults to defy me.

Principal Franklin nodded. "And Ms. Briggs…do you have any actual proof that she was the one who pulled this," he chuckled, "colorful prank?"

"Proof?"

"You know, did you catch her…pink handed?" By now he was having a really hard time containing his laughter.

"This is no laughing matter!" Ms. Briggs insisted.

"Of course not, of course not," Principal Franklin said, finally managing to regain his composure. "But you still haven't answered my question. Do you have any proof that Miss Puckett pulled the prank?"

"Well no, but who else would do it? It really is just like her."

He nodded again. "Very well. Sam, you're free to go. Ms. Briggs…here's a moist towelette. I find they make wonderful paint removers."

Ms. Briggs looked shocked. I left the room before she went on a rampage about how it was so obviously me that did it, I needed to be expelled, blah blah blah. I was all ready to go back to lunch, but the moment I stepped out of the office I came to a halt as I ran into something. Or rather, someone.

"Watch where you're going Fredklutz," I said, looking up at the dark-haired boy I had just run into.

"Sorry," he said. "I kind of forgot to look where I was going I guess. So, um…did they punish you?"

"Did who punish me?" I questioned, walking past him on my way back to the cafeteria.

"Principal Franklin! Sam, you just came out of there. Who did you think I meant?"

"Chill Fredward," I said. "Gosh, I was just messing with you. No, I told Ted I didn't do it, and since he had no proof pointing to the opposite, I'm not being punished."

"Good," he said, letting out a breath. "So…who do you think actually did it?"

"I don't know, but…wait," I stopped. "You mean you don't think it was me?"

"Um, well…no. I mean…you said you didn't do it, so…"

"You know I can lie, right?"

"Yeah, but this time I believe you."

I stared him straight in the eyes. He looked scared, nervous…guilty. Suddenly I realized what was going on. "You did it, didn't you?"

I heard him gulp. "Did what?"

"Oh, don't play dumb. I think you know _exactly_ what I'm talking about." I felt a smirk creep onto my lips. "You're the one who put paint on all the flowers!"

"What? Pfft…no…" I kept staring at him, not even stopping to blink. I could see what remained of his confidence crumbling, and he gulped again.

"Alright!" he finally shouted when he could take it no longer. "It was me! I did it! I painted the carnations! Please don't kill me!"

I smirked even wider. "So Little Freddie-Two-Shoes, Mr. Rule Follower, Queen of the Pansies…_actually_ pulled a prank."

"Sam, I didn't know they were going to blame you. I was coming to the principal's office right now to confess. But apparently you took care of the situation on your own. Believe me, I never wanted you to get in trouble."

"Okay," I said. "Then just answer me this. Why'd you do it?"

"Why? You want to know why?"

"Yeah. It's not like you to upset people on purpose. Why would you want to upset all those girls?"

"Maybe I was tired of them freaking out over Valentine's Day!" he defended.

"No, that's not it. You're exactly the type of hopeless sap who lives for mushy days like this. There had to be some other reason. What, trying to impress Carly with the 'bad boy' routine again?"

"Carly? Why would I want to impress Carly?"

I stared at him, dumbfounded. "Um, because you've had a creepy crush on her for, I don't know, EVER!"

He shook his head. "Sam, you do know that I got over that crush a long time ago, right?"

"Oh yeah? Then why'd you put that rose in her locker this morning?"

"What rose?"

"Please, who else would her 'secret admirer' be?"

"I don't know, but not me. I'm already 'secretly admiring' someone else."

"Aha! So this _was_ all to impress some girl! I knew it!"

"Whoa, I never said that."

"Oh…so it was to impress a boy then?"

"What? No!"

"A man-lady?"

"NO!"

"A robot lover that you built out of spare computer parts?"

"No Sam! You! No boys, no man-ladies, no robots. It was all for you!" It must have been then that he realized what he'd just said, because he immediately clamped a hand over his mouth.

"What?" I said. "Is some sort of joke? Because I swear Benson, if it is…"

"It's not a joke," he sighed, removing his hand from his mouth. "I…I know how much you hate Valentine's Day, and well…I thought that playing a little prank on the other girls who disgusted you so much might, you know…cheer you up."

"Wait. So you're telling me you risked getting in trouble AND having all the girls in school furious with you just to make _me_ happy?"

"Well…yeah." He nodded.

"But why?"

"Because…because you're my friend and I don't like it when you're unhappy." He mumbled something under his breath after that, but I couldn't understand what he was saying.

"What was that?"

"Mfmfmfmfmf," he mumbled again.

"Dork, you'd better tell me what you said or I'll…"

"I said I like you! Okay? I pulled that stupid prank because I wanted to impress you!"

I was silent for a moment. The dork liked me? I didn't really know what to say to that. Should I beat him up? Should I tell him I like him back? _Did _I like him back? I wasn't really sure. All I knew was that, despite my wishes, his plan had worked. His practical joke actually impressed me. "You know," I said slyly, "most girls would be happy with a flower or something from a guy."

"Yeah," he said. "But you're not most girls."

"You do know that line was really cliché, right?"

"Yeah," he chuckled. "I know."

We stood in awkward silence for what seemed like an eternity while I tried to collect my thoughts. It didn't work so well. Try as I might, I couldn't stop feeling a little dizzy and lightheaded, and it was keeping me from thinking straight. I guess there must have been some part deep inside my brain that could think though, because I sure wasn't the one who decided to do what I did next. "Freddie?" I whispered. He brought his gaze up to meet mine.

"Yeah?"

I took a deep breath and started to lean in. I could see him start to lean too. We both kept our eyes wide open as we leaned, staring at each other intently. Finally our lips met. I can't say that I felt some magic spark or anything the moment our lips touched. If anything, it was incredibly awkward. But seconds ticked by and the kiss didn't stop; it got deeper. I closed my eyes, and I think he did too. Before I knew it, we were having a full blown make-out session in the middle of the school hallway, him in his perfectly neat blue polo shirt and khakis, and me in pajamas that were still slightly damp from the rain. I still didn't really know how I'd let this happen, or even if I ever wanted it to happen again, but I did know one thing for sure: I didn't want it to stop.

We finally did have to break apart for air, and when we did, we noticed the entire school standing in the hallway, staring at us, eyes wide and mouths agape.

"Um…" I said, "The bell just rang, didn't it?" A few colorful noses nodded at me. "Oh. Well then." I don't know why I wasn't threatening everyone's life at that point. I was still in shock myself I suppose. "Um, I guess I'll just be going now. Uh, show's over?" Everyone started to walk away, mumbling to their friends "What the heck was that?" and "Did you see that coming?"

I turned back to Freddie. His cheeks were red, but not from any painted flowers. "Are you going to kill me now?"

I shook my head. "No." Suddenly I had an idea. I smirked at him, which made him look even more nervous. "_I'm _not going to kill you," I said. "But _they _might."

"Um…who's 'they'?"

I smiled evilly. "Hey everyone!" I shouted. "Freddie's the one who put paint on all the carnations!" Several dozen angry girls with strangely colored noses turned around and glared at Freddie, while I took the opportunity to make a mad dash for the exit.

"Get him!" screamed a girl with a bright white nose. I heard another, lower pitched scream as they charged at him.

I walked outside and looked up into the dark sky, letting the cold rain drip down my face and body. Soon I was joined by a frightened teenage boy, who was very fortunate to have found a broom lying outside the front doors that he'd just escaped though. The furious girls chasing after him were still trying to break the broom in half and force the doors open, but it would only be a matter of time before they realized that the broom was too strong for them and went for the back exit instead.

"Sam!" Freddie yelled beside me. "Why did you do that?"

"Kicks," I said simply. "Come on Freddork. It looks like you need an escape, and I need some food since I never got to finish my lunch. You're taking me to the Groovy Smoothie."

"But I took the bus here! How are we going to get to a café nearly five miles away without a car?"

"Race you!" I shouted.

"But it's raining, Sam! Sam!" But it was too late; I'd already took off in a sprint. "Sam, we can't just ditch school like this! We should at least call and tell Principal Franklin that I can't go back into the school because I'm being hunted by rabid teenage girls! Stop running so fast, the ground is wet and you'll slip! Sam!"

I laughed and continued running. Several minutes later, I arrived at the Groovie Smoothie, soaking wet yet again, drenched hair stuck to my neck, and an equally soaked Freddie right behind me.

Maybe Valentine's Day isn't so bad after all.

**Happy Valentine's Day :)**

**Love, **

**abracadabra**


End file.
